She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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