dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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