Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
