Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
