I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
