Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
