your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
