R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
