i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
