he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
