i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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