you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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