Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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