Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
