Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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