can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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