I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
