We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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