marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
