just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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