I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
