I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize