Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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