The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
