Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
