I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
