hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
