I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
