I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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