Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
