when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize