don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
