then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
