Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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