hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
do herpes really smell.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize