Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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