its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
