Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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