After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
