he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
