I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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