clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
how drunk are you?
Several
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
