Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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