So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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