I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
