we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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