I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I will pee on everything he values.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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