put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
