Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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