were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
