I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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